The Seven Deadly Sins of Homestuck
by signelchan
Summary: Seven sins, seven short stories representing each of them, through fourteen of the humans and trolls. Non-canon events, some Humanstuck, all the fun.


_Wrath_

Hell hath no fury like a troll woken up from her slumber by her roommate attempting to play the guitar. Hell also hath no fury like said troll's fists when they wanted to cause some chaos and bodily harm, especially to said roommate's face and guitar.

"That's the third one this month, Vriska!" Jade whined, clutching the broken pieces of what used to be her precious instrument. "You really need to calm down about me playing. These things aren't cheap, you know."

The troll glared at Jade. "Oh, I'm soooooooorry. Want me to wake you up by banging pot lids together? That's what it sounds like. Every morning. Every fucking morning..."

"Hey! Most mornings, it's my flute that wakes you up, and that never seems to bother you!"

"Never seems to...have you not read any of the death threats I've left on your bed because of you horrible music making? I hate your morning music sessions! Why the fuck do I live with you?"

Jade threw down the pieces to her guitar and burst into large, obviously fake tears. "Because you used to be so nice, but not you're just a big meanie!" It took much of Vriska's limited self-control to keep herself from slapping the human across the face, but she was able to stand there, in her nightgown, looking like a completely disheveled mess, and listen to the alligator tears. "Wait, you haven't hurt me yet. What gives, Vriska?"

"What gives? You being annoying gives. You do one more little thing and I swear your face is going to be slapped into next week."

A small smile crept across Jade's face as she wiped the fake tears from her cheeks. "So tomorrow morning, when I wake you up with another performance, you'll send me into the future? I can't wait!"

* * *

_Envy_

It was funny how they were both jealous of each other's situation. Terezi would have rather been relegated to living the life of a ghost, and, later, a robot; Aradia wanted her actual body, but eyesight? She could live without that.

What started as innocent wishing that they were in the other's shoes ended up as full-blown envy. Terezi wished she could just die and find both sight and a new beginning in death, while Aradia was wishing for a reincarnation and lack of use of her eyes. The thing here was, neither girl was going to get what she wanted, no matter how much she wished for it.

There was no way that Aradia was ever really coming back to actual life. Even though reaching the god tier gave her a renewed sense of living, she still wasn't truly alive, and that fact rested heavily on her mind. And there was no way that Terezi was going to have the same lucky break as Aradia. She was just going to have to get used to walking on her own flesh-and-blood feet with no vision but what her other senses could give her.

Sure, they were both existing in a manner that meant they were "alive," but neither wanted what they had. They wanted what the other had, even though what they had was probably better than anyone else that was thrown into their situations would have been given. Yet they were still envious of what they didn't get, even though both outcomes were unpleasant and cruel. They just didn't realize how utterly stupid their envy was, not even when it came to hypothetical showdowns Terezi saw in her mind about their jealousy and desire.

More likely than not, she witnessed the events and it just made her wish harder for the outcome that she didn't get.

* * *

_Greed_

Being greedy was not so much fighting all the other trolls for chalk (as someone once put it), but it was actually attacking them because their typing quirk of choice involved the number two, and two was _hii2 2acred number, damn iit!_ It didn't matter the explanation that she tried to give him. Two was not her number, and it was his, and he was going to be a greedy little bastard and take it from her.

So the next day, when she came at him with claws unsheathed and ready to pounce for the sake of her quirk, he knew that his greed had pretty much fucked him over. It was _just a stupid :33 face_, she argued, _and it means the world to me!_ She took two claws (of course it was two) and sliced him across the face, leaving two perfectly straight lines that started above one eye and ended below the other. _Now leave me alone about it!_

He couldn't just leave her alone, though, because he had to hurt her twice about taking his number from him. Two was just the way he lived. He wasn't going to let a cat girl with her stupid cat emoticon take it from him. _ii don't thiink you're goiing two liike me when ii'm mad,_ he said, before snapping those two claws off her fingers. _ii really don't._

She screamed out, hoping someone would hear her, but she should have known better than to track him down herself. Sure, she was a great hunter, but in a situation like this, Nepeta should have known better than to allowed herself to become the hunted...especially against someone as greedy as Sollux about something as downright stupid as a number.

_plea2e for the love of everythiing, next tiime you try two take my number, thiink about this_. He dug one of her own claws into her arm, causing her to scream out apology after apology, until he knew she had learned her lesson.

* * *

_Gluttony_

He couldn't help it that he was a glutton for punishment. He loved being told to bow down and he loved being given orders (oh, the orders were the best), but only from someone with a higher blood than his. While he may have been moirails with someone in a lower caste, he couldn't take orders from her. He had to go to the ones higher than him.

On this particular occasion, he happened to go right to one Eridan Ampora. "Wwhat? Order you around? Sounds fishy...are you shore no one put you up to this?"

"No, honorable highblood," Equius replied, bowing down to his higher-up. "I came here on my own to be ordered."

"Wwhale, okay...I order you to find a troll wwilling to fill a quadrant wwith me."

This was a request that was given to Equius each and every time he came to Eridan for help with his punishment fetish, and each and every time, he couldn't quite complete the request. The logical reaction was a true punishment, and Eridan would always spend the rest of the day causing pain to the strong troll just to make him happy.

The system worked out for his appetite, but not so much for Eridan's dreams and wishes about having someone to love. He happened to be ravenous when it came to attention, and all he wanted was a troll to love and be loved by. So, on this particular occasion, when Equius returned from his search empty-handed, Eridan made a different kind of request. "No one, I sea...fair enough. I order you to be my personal slavve. Now get down on your knees and tell me howw much you lovve me."

One order, one reaction, two trolls' almost-nearly insatiable quench for different things quelled by each other.

* * *

_Pride_

Being the empress-to-be, Feferi knew a thing or two about how a woman of power was to hold herself. It just didn't translate all that well to human customs, where Rose saw herself as a girl of rather high society. Human high society seemed to be much lower class than that of the trolls, and Rose was forever convinced that Feferi was nothing more than a prideful witch who didn't really know how to use her power.

That couldn't have been farther from the truth. Feferi actually was well-versed in power-handling, and was much kinder than all who came before her. And it just so happened that she saw Rose's situation and laughed at it, calling her actions over-the-top, and referring to her as the human with way too much pride in herself.

Again, couldn't have been farther from the truth. Rose was rather quiet about her place in society, choosing to spend her time on simple things than showy ones. That was what annoyed her about Feferi, as she saw the troll's actions as a giant "look at me, I'm fabulous" display that no one could quite escape, herself included.

They saw each other as prideful and mean.

They were anything but.

If they had just attempted to get to know each other, tried to look past the first impressions, they would have been rather shocked to learn that they really were different from how they thought. But they had pride to protect, the pride of being right. They didn't want to be proven wrong. They kept on living in ignorance, never knowing that the label they had given the other could easily fit themselves, instead of who it was pasted on...

In the end, they were truly prideful. But if you mentioned it to either one of them, they'd laugh and kindly direct your attention to the other.

* * *

_Lust_

Kanaya wanted _him_. Well, not him, exactly. More like, a taste of what smelled like the most delicious blood on the whole damn meteor. Such was the problem of a rainbow drinker, though: forever stuck lusting after the blood of the living that didn't quite feel comfortable sharing their blood with you.

"Go after one of the fucking humans!" he would scream at her. "Suck them dry! I'm not helping you with your fucking nasty fantasy!" But she wouldn't dare touch the humans, because although their blood may have been the same color as mister Karkat Vantas's, it didn't smell the same, and the smell was what mattered most to her. If it didn't smell good, she had no desire to even try for it.

Karkat's blood just happened to smell absolutely delicious (something someone told her sweeps ago, but she neglected to care about that fact until she turned into a rainbow drinker), and just the thought of it pouring into her mouth made her drool slightly. She lusted for that blood harder than she had lusted after anything before in her life. But at every turn, he was there to reject her. She couldn't get even the slightest taste of what she assumed to be the most delicious-tasting blood in the history of history.

And Karkat was more than happy to deprive her of her dream blood. He knew she was lusting after him (well, not him exactly), and he knew that if she got her glowing white hands on him, she would drink every last drop of the blood that kept him alive. That couldn't happen. He had to exist as leader of the trolls, not the juice box of a crazed rainbow drinker!

Little did he know that the more he hid and rejected her, the larger her thirst for his red blood grew.

* * *

_Sloth_

Three days. He sat in that same exact chair for three days. Dave was pretty sure that he never saw Gamzee move his stoned-as-fuck ass out of that chair once. The nightmares of what kinds of stains would be left in it when he finally moved haunted him each night when he slept, and each morning he would awaken to the honking and laughing coming from the chair.

It was disgusting. It was nasty. It was unhealthy. And it was happening over and over and over again every time Gamzee got invited over. He was such a lazy guy, always getting high and then sitting in his chair for days upon days before getting up, going out for a week, then restarting the cycle. Dave knew he had to do something about his friend's behavior, but he didn't know what. The bro stays out on the street, the raccoons would get him. He stays in the house, his ass ain't going to be moving from the chair.

Such was the problem of having a friend that lived by the "you only live once" motto, and, thinking that weed was the answer to "yolo," getting high once a week before planting himself in a ratty red chair that had seen much better days. "God damn, Gamzee, you're like a sloth. Not moving. Are you even awake, bro? You don't do anything except for a few minutes a day, and even then it's laugh and honk and be downright creepy." Dave prodded the stoned guy's face, receiving no reaction. "Yeah, you're definitely part sloth. Well, I'm going to go do...something."

When he stepped outside of the room, he heard the all-too-familiar honk that signaled his friend rising from the chair for the first time in three days, and all Dave could think about was what the seat of that poor chair had to look like by then.

* * *

A/N: I wrote this as a challenge between me and my friend. We did the seven deadly sins. Please review and request stuff if you'd like. :)

I don't own Homestuck.

Signel


End file.
